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Breakable by Tammara Webber

6 starsBreakableTammaraWebber

Synopsis

He was lost and alone. Then he found her.

And the future seemed more fragile than ever.

As a child, Landon Lucas Maxfield believed his life was perfect and looked forward to a future filled with promise — until tragedy tore his family apart and made him doubt everything he ever believed.

All he wanted was to leave the past behind. When he met Jacqueline Wallace, his desire to be everything she needed came so easy…

As easy as it could be for a man who learned that the soul is breakable and that everything you hoped for could be ripped away in a heartbeat.

 

My thoughts

We all knew the story of Jacqueline and Lucas. We knew Jacqueline. But we didn’t know Lucas. We knew parts of his traumatic past, but not nearly everything there was to him.

Now, we get a chance to get inside his head and, oh my, this was so worth waiting for.

Breakable is a prequel and a retelling of Easy from Lucas’ point of view, which made it very different from other books where the male character gets a chance to tell his story to the world. I have to tell you, I love getting a retelling of the original book from the male’s perspective, but sometimes they don’t add really much to the original story. I have read books where I felt like we were rushing through the story just so there was a book from the guy’s perspective, but I’ve also read books where the ‘1.5’ book was  absolutely amazing and added very much to the original story.

That’s what Breakable is. To me anyway.

I could say the last two months before the release crawled by as I patiently waited for Breakable, but that isn’t true. They flew by actually, but I can’t say I feel sorry about that. At all. Now, I’m there. Ready to start with this beautiful paperback in my hands. Holy crap. I’m actually able to get inside Lucas head. GAH :3

This whole book was just one major emotional rollercoaster.  Within just the first ten pages of Breakable, I’ve experienced a LOT of different feelings and sensations; burning eyes, laughter, gaping, swooning, sadness, smiling, heartache, amusement, heart break.

Yeah, I think this might just sum it up for the next 300 and something pages I still have to read…

I was right. Lucas’ story is heartbreaking and intriguing and beautiful. It really is his story, above all. I was introduced to parts of him I never knew existed, yet loved to meet because it made Lucas, Lucas. It was like I was getting to know him all over again, only better, and that was an incredible experience.

The strange part was, when I started Breakable, Landon and Lucas felt like they were completely different persons. Like there were two completely different storylines running through each other. But the further I got into the book, the more the boy and the man grew together and became more and more similar until I got the point where I truly felt like I understood every aspect of who Lucas is and why he turned out the way he did. A point where I could see the man inside the boy he would become clearly and being proud for what he stood for. That transition is so, so well done and I admire Tammara for how she did it. She did such an amazing job with Breakable, it’s incredible.

During Breakable I fell in love with Lucas all over again. Only more. And harder. I honestly didn’t think he could be any more perfect than he already was in Easy, but he is. He really is. I have so much respect for the man he became, with all of the things that happened to him considered. I admire him for who he turned out to be and ache for everything that’s been thrown at him in his life.

Because the heartbreak was bad. Really bad. I can’t even count the number of times my heart broke for both Lucas and Landon throughout this book. This is a boy traumatized. This is a boy grieving. This is a boy trying to find a way to survive and gets beaten back down. I had known before I started Breakable that it would be heartbreaking, but it was so much worse.

Yet I also had so much fun reading Breakable. At times, I was trying to keep my laughter in in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep so bad that it was hard to breathe. There were scenes were I melted completely at Lucas’s actions, words and thoughts. Hotness is brought to a whole new level in Breakable in a very unexpected but still very, I say VERY, awesome way. Everything together is a perfect mix that pulls you in immediately and won’t let you go until long after you finished.

How this story is put together is amazing. I can’t thank Tammara Webber enough for the chance she created to get to be inside of Lucas’ head and the masterpiece she created while doing it. And I can tell you, and everyone who loved Lucas in Easy, will fall even harder for him in Breakable.

 

************ WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS*********** (and big time fan-girling)

 

I honestly don’t think I can do this book the justice it deserves with my review, because it was so much better than I am able to express, but I’m gonna try anyway.

That said, let’s start.

Holy shit, what a book! I freaking LOVED Breakable. I mean, I knew it would be amazing, because, well… it’s Tammara Webber writing in Lucas’ point of view ALRIGHT. I mean, there is NO way that that wouldn’t be frigging awesome.

BUT. I hadn’t expected this. There was so much more sorrow, sadness and a certain kind of conviction in Lucas than I hadn’t expected at all. I knew he was broken and traumatized by what had happened that night, but what I hadn’t seen coming was how that wasn’t the only thing that changes the future he had expected. The events after that influenced him and made him think that he was just someone to use. It was heartbreaking to see how he thought less of himself because of other people’s reaction, of other people’s actions.

The origin of the emotional rollercoaster was the fact that we constantly switch from Landon to Lucas. Within pages (aka very shot minutes), I felt like I had felt more very far between emotions than I normally feel in like three whole days. It kinda felt like this;

One page in: Oh god… 😥 *tears welling up big time*
Two pages in: I love Lucas, alright. :3 This is going to be so awesome!
Six pages in: HAHA love the stalking mode! Go Lucas! I wouldn’t have thought this about him, but it’s so freaking funny!
Ten pages in: Can I just crawl into this book and hug him or play videogames with him? Please? Please? I just need to hug him.
It had my heart breaking in one minute and laughing out loud in the other. It was so intense to constantly have my emotions thrown from one side of the scale to the exact opposite. That’s one of the many powers this books has.

About page six, though. That stalky part of him was totally unexpected, but so… hot. Like seriously. I totally loved that. Yet that was not the only hotness in this book. The extra, very intimate, scenes between Lucas and Jacqueline where a completely unexpected addition, but holy shit. They brought hot to a whole new level. I didn’t know these two were so naughty.  Haha!

There were more unexpected events, though. In Breakable we’re meeting this whole new side of Lucas that I never even knew existed, or expected to exist, for some reason. I knew his past was dark for more reasons than one, but I hadn’t expected this at all. It was so heartbreaking to see how one tragic and traumatizing event had consequences that turned into other consequences which repeated again and again until the moment came that Landon just felt alone in the world, drowning in guilt and the only way to survive was to just not give a shit anymore. Or pretend to, I should say, because at the same time, he had a longing that couldn’t be denied and handed out his heart to girls that did not deserve him at all.

That sorrow inside of Landon had me desperately needing to hug him, though. That was the only thing I could think about when his classmates whispered behind his back and teachers treated him unlike ever before. What he needed was to be treated the same, I think. To be able to find distraction in the everyday kind of things, that would have kept both of his feet on the ground. Yet to be pulled out of the crowd and being given considerations and extra time made Landon feel even more alien than he already did after he came back.

What I love about Landon is to see the difference in how he talked about sex and girls in comparison to Boyce. Where Boyce just wanted to make sure he had a good time, Landon was trying to find a way to make it better for the girl, for example, the idea to get his tongue pierced. *to be continued ;)* And good lord he already was such a respectful gentleman at sixteen! That was so incredible, how he was the exact opposite of who people expected him to be, based on his looks. (Now don’t get me started about biases of clothing style, tattoos and piercings, because I happen to find it pretty attractive when someone looks like that and I admire them for being brave enough to dress in what they like without letting others holding them back. J )

 

“But she didn’t have to fall, did she, for me to be the boy she slummed with? Her bad-boy phase. Her rebound. God help me, I was all too willing.”

 

The constant battles in Lucas’ mind when he’s around or thinking of Jaqueline are adorable and funny and hot! He’s constantly busy with convincing  himself that what he does is acceptable, that he has a good reason so that he can continue doing stuff and thinking stuff he knows he’s actually not supposed to do and feel. The constant fight in his head that goes from knowing she’s restricted to being in his daydream fantasy for weeks to wanting to be what she needs him to be to him wanting to be more than her rebound.

 

“My heart drove life through my veins as if I was waking up from a years-long coma. Everything was bright and detailed. Raw and sensitive. I wanted her so badly it hurt.”

 

Because what started out as a girl he drew and had daydreams of quickly turned into a girl he felt protective of. Even before the night of the Halloween party, he felt the strong need to save her from a fail on her degree by dropping economics before the designated date. Then after Halloween, that urge grew even stronger. The protectiveness he felt over her was amazing, though. Even thinking that he was just a rebound, he felt like it was his responsibility to keep her safe and not get hurt and that was such a beautiful thing to see because that really shows his real character and what a good person he is.

And all this time he was convinced that all he was to her was a rebound.

 

“I had to stop. This had to stop. I’d given her what she wanted, what she needed – and I was in pieces at her feet. How could she not see? I couldn’t play this game anymore. I had to save what little of me remained.”

 

What breaks my heart is that at the moment Jacqueline thought she scared him away by asking personal questions or because he just didn’t feel the same for her, Lucas was falling apart with the longing to have her, to make her his, when he was convinced he could never have her because of his past experiences and the fact that he had heard about Operation Bad Boy Phase. It’s so sad that the whole time, he was convinced that he was just a rebound to her and nothing more when his feelings ran so deep for her.

 

“I could make her love me. I could be that next man for her.

Ah, I knew better.”

 

And that’s the reason he kept himself apart from her. That’s one of the reasons why he begged her to say stop that night. He was terrified that history would repeat itself, when now, his feelings were even stronger than back when he was sixteen.  After overhearing Erin talk to Maggie, he convinced himself that that’s all it was for Jacqueline.

After I learned that, together with knowing about Clark and Melody, I feel like I finally understand what started all of this. The strong annoyance towards Kennedy originated from Clark. He saw in Kennedy and Jacqueline’s relationship the same thing he’d seen in Clark and Melody’s. That’s why he noticed them in the first place and he was convinced that he was taking the same place as he had back when he was sixteen.

There was more than the fear of his breaking heart that stopped him that night, though. It was like all his demons came rushing in at the same time. All the responsibilities and promises he felt crammed inside his head in that moment and everything he weighed against each other, it’s incredible that he didn’t turn insane. When reading Easy, his reaction confused me and it took a long time for me to understand. Even when I finished, I still didn’t fully understand what happened that night, but now it made me want to cry.

There were several moments in the book where Jacqueline was convinced Lucas was giving up on her, or taking distance because she was coming to close, when in reality, Lucas was breaking his own heart by letting her go. Those scenes were just so, so intense and heartbreaking.

 

“Dr. Heller was right on the other side of the yard. I’d promised him to be appropriate with her for the remainder of the semester, but the desire coiling through me was anything but appropriate. It was fire and possession, adoration and need, hunger and thirst and an impossible, unbearable hope.”

 

Another one of those is the scene where Jacqueline appears in front of his apartment and tells him she misses both of him. The thoughts running through Lucas’ head in that moment are heartbreaking. The utter fear of the knowledge that he’s shredding his heart open because he is convinced that he is just a rebound to her, the guilt and shame he feels over breaking a promise to the one person who has never given up on him, the war between wanting her more than anything but knowing he can’t have her. That’s what saddened me the most. That he convinced himself that he can’t have her because of his past experiences. That he propelled back to reality the moment his fantasies took hold of him. It makes me so sad because if someone is worthy of love and should never feel like he can’t have the person he loves, it’s him. He’s the most amazing, endearing, kind, sweet, strong, protective, good man that I’ve seen in a very long time and he deserves to be happy.

After reading Breakable, I have even more respect for Lucas than I had before. I have so much admiration for the man he became after dealing with such an traumatic experience. Then thinking his dad held him responsible for what happened that night for so long. How his classmates stared at him and whispered behind his back. How his dad was drowning in his grief so bad that he didn’t see it. How his dad ripped him away from his home, his town. How the principal threatened him on the very first day of school, when she didn’t even know anything, not even giving him a chance. After all of that, he still stood strong and became the kind, loving, protecting man we all came to love.

One of the most powerful and heartbreaking scenes was the one where Lucas finds out that Jacqueline knows what happened to his mother. What happened inside his head in that moment… I can’t describe it. He is haunted by that night still after eight years.

Even though there were so many heartbreaking scenes in Breakable, and I haven’t even discussed half of them, there were also so many scenes that made me laugh hard or swoon big time. His thoughts were hilarious at times and made my ears turn pink at others. The stalking mode was highly amusing. Boyce was pretty hilarious at times, and so was Dr. Heller. I love him for more reasons than I can count and I did not expect him to be as funny as he was.

The sketching scene was amazing, too. I loved how Lucas was straining to keep himself in check and not succeeding. How he cursed himself for doing this to himself and feeling like he was coming back to life at the same time. The whole scene just brought a huge goofy smile on my face. And then we continued with the kiss scene. HOLY SHIT, HOT! And we got a whole extra part that was skipped in Easy! :3 Can’t say I minded that. At all.

 

“She’d conjured a love in the heart of a man whose soul had been frozen for years, anesthetized by too much pain and guilt to bear.”

 

I love how after Dr. Heller found out they were seeing each other outside of school necessities, they both clearly wanted to make sure the other didn’t get fully blamed and punished. I absolutely love Lucas’ way of thinking, how he expresses his feelings for Jacqueline in his mind are just so beautiful and intriguing.  It made me love him even more than I already did.

 

“In her formal words, I heard the echo of my future – a future I was so sure of that no distance would have daunted me: I take thee, Landon Lucas Maxfield…”

 

I think I nearly died from happiness when this  rang through his head. SERIOUSLY.

What’s really strange, is that, all the way during Easy, I never even noticed they never voiced an  “I love you”  until Lucas thought it in Breakable. The way they felt for each other was so clear without saying the actual words that I didn’t even notice the absence of them. It feels so strange now that I never even realized that.

Holy shit that ending!! I loved every single second of it. It was beautiful and amazing. I was so, so glad to have a peek at Lucas healing, of his dad healing. I can’t put into words how much I love this book. And oh my god, he actually did it. He actually took a tongue piercing! I can’t believe it!! Although I am seriously sad the lip ring had to go. *pout*

Overall, Breakable is an amazing book that will have you fall head over heels with Lucas all over again. You have to be prepared for major heartbreak, but it’s so worth all the things you learn about Lucas, his past, the swooning and unexpected parts of him that are majorly interesting.

Tammara Webber created another masterpiece with Breakable that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss for anything.

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